Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
