People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
