Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
