hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just google imaged poop.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
