im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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