Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
