I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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