ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
