Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize