bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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