Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Screwed.edu
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
