Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
