Who did Billy Mays play for?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
