What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize