i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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