I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize