Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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