yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is wine microwaveable?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
