I've blown a few things in my day
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
