Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
