I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
