Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
