So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
