I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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