her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
