NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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