Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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