8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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