Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
