i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
