For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize