We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
