He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
