need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize