just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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