i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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