He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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