If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
