How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I party with great urgency now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize