glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
