Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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