I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
