Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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