spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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