I faked an abortion last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
