my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
