hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
