I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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