tonight lets celebrate not being married
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
