I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
