The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Life is so much better after having sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
