If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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