he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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