Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
