i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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