Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
