why didn't you poke me back
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
