did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
