I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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