in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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