My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
