I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
