i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize