Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
