Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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