dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
