Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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