evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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