I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
