my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
