to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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