you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
