Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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