did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
