Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
