I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
