She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
