what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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