Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
