I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
