Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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