dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want her autograph on my taint
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
