I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
