YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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