dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
