hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
