I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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