Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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