I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
