You're my little dorito
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
