I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
