Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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