wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
