i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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