do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
