Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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