I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
