before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
