I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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