they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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