You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
