He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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